Why Change Is So Hard: A Piece from the Heart

I believe change is one of the most difficult things that we humans encounter the most. Whether it's moving to a new home, starting a new job, or watching friendships fade away during times of upheavals, change often comes with deep emotional turmoil. 

It's easy to feel overwhelmed by the loss of stability, comfort, and familiar faces when life shifts unexpectedly. And before you realize, you feel like a fish out of fresh water, everything around becomes extremely uncomfortable. This is partly why we humans are in a way allergic to change. Have you ever been told that "this is how we always did it" when you are trying to introduce change at work or even in your home? The resistance to change can be fierce. But changes we must.

From Rockland to Long Island

First change that can shake you to your core is checking homes. Home has always been synonymous to life. So, just the mere thought of leaving a home, the walls that have absorbed many years of your precious memories, laughter, and even tears, can feel like uprooting a part of your soul and I sincerely believe this to be true. 

A home is not just a structure; it's where life happens. Moving can cause you physical stress, but the emotional weight can be even heavier and sometimes unbearable. Each room or space in your home holds a piece of your past, a reminder of people and moments that shaped who you are and the time you were in that space for. And there comes that time you are compelled or forced by the decisions to box it all up, pack it away in some storage elsewhere, and confront the unknown in a new place.

The next discomfort comes through the uncertainty of a new environment, the logistics of settling in, and the struggle to make it feel like "home" again often breed anxiety. The neighborhoods, the sounds, the rhythm of life, sense of security, they’re all so different. You yearn for what you left behind, even if you're excited about what lies ahead is what keeps your preoccupied.

From Yale New Haven to Patchogue Long Island Community

Then, comes the new job, or leaving an old one. In my case I will not be changing jobs, but places/culture of the job. I will still be doing the same type of job except with new people in a new hospital. This new workplace wouldn't just be about making a living; it’s also where a sense of purpose and where I feel I belong professionally would be found. Losing that, or stepping into a new role, can feel disorienting. In a new place, the questions remain the same. Will my new colleagues accept me? Will I excel in this new environment like my previous ones? Self-doubt creeps in as the quest to navigate these unfamiliar processes and expectations, trying to find my place in a new environment can be challenging to say the least. But experience is always there to help. Like me, something you are used to doing over and over can be done differently in the new work environment. So when you try to do it, they will question you. To question can be annoying. By stay the course the course. The beauty is that, everyone got their own thing to do and sooner of later they will realize how good you are and they will never question or doubt what you can do.

And then come the weight of proving myself to these new coworkers, like I briefly touched upon above, this can be exhausting both physically and mentally. Then you begin to realized that what is left behind is not only a job, but likely some form of identity that came with the old job. Now, you must rebuild that identity, perhaps reinvent yourself entirely. And that is not a small feet. I am writing from the heart and from wealth of information. With self reflections, a lot of wonderful things can happen here, You can make changes that were too desirable in the past and see what the result will be in the present. I am always exploring way to be a better me everyday and I don't know about you. ha!

Losing Friends

What’s even harder is realizing that some friends, those you thought would be there during difficult transitions, fade away like fog in the air. How wimpy!. We all might long to lean on others, to find support during these chaotic period, but sometimes they’re simply not there. Maybe they’re dealing with their own battles, or perhaps the connection wasn’t as strong as I might have thought, this one makes sense to me. 

I can never in a million years think that someone deemed a friend, in fact more than that, shared years of laughter, doubts, anxieties, worries with can secretly be resentful and with the least opportunity, pulls the plug. Either ways, it feels like a double loss losing the stability of friendship at a time when it's needed the most and the lost of common goals. I am still a big believer that if friends can't talk about misunderstanding when it happens with some gumption, then that relationship is not qualified to be called friendship whatsoever. Honestly the relationship of "friend" is questionable in these United States of Anxiety. And that is an unfortunate assessment. We were not all blessed with big families and that is why a good friend could always make up for what is lacking in a family.  

Bringing it all home, it’s always tempting to throw in the towel when you try to usher in change in your life, to succumb to despair and walk away from it all. The pain of change, the feeling of isolation it can cause, and the fear of the unknown makes giving up seem like an easier option. But in life, any decision that is easy and quick to make is never the best. It will end in disaster. But deep inside, I know I can’t give up. I just got to keep moving forward and do what is necessary. There’s something that drives this change forward: hope, belief, or maybe a quiet resolve that I haven’t come this far to stop now. Fighting for what believed, pushing through the discomfort, and staying true to my heartfelt values during times of upheavals like this are acts of courage. To me, it's a form of rebellion against despair. I won't let despair in on this one. I am on the move!

This fight though, whether it’s for a better life, a dream job, or just peace of mind requires strength that often feels beyond my reach. I absolutely believe in this. But I must dig deep. I have to, time and again remind myself that what I believe are worth standing up for, even when it feels like the world is crumbling around me. It's not just about surviving the change but thriving in it, and that takes unwavering dedication and resolve.

I often hear people say, “Things will get better” or “You just have to stay positive.” The reality is, talk is cheap. Words of comfort are nice, but they do little to ease the weight on the shoulders when I am in the thick of it. People can give advice or offer well-meaning encouragement, but in the end, guess who is the one living through it all. I am the only one who has to find the strength to push through it.

In the end, what separates those who merely wish for change from those who actually succeed is the ability to take action. Making the decision to leave a toxic job, pack up your life and move, or fight for something you care about takes courage. But taking that first step is only the beginning. The real challenge lies in staying the course, even when the path gets harder. Thank God I have the strength and courage push through all these doubts, face all the setbacks, and continue moving forward when every fiber in me wants to just stay and be like everybody. I am grateful. 

Taking action requires not just physical movement, but mental fortitude, too. It’s easy to talk about dreams, easier still to envision a better future, but transforming thoughts into reality is where the true struggle lies. It requires dedication, patience, and the willingness to endure discomfort along the way.

Change is hard and I will be the first to tell you so because it forces you out of your comfort zone. It strips away the familiar and challenges you to grow in the unfamiliar. The growth potential can be a big motivator despite the fact that some things will be lost along the way: homes, jobs, and sometimes even friendships. But you can also gain something invaluable: resilience. And though the road is tough, and giving up sometimes feels like an option, the decision to keep fighting, to keep moving forward, is what ultimately shapes the future to hopefully what is envisioned. The hardest part isn't wanting a better life; it's doing the difficult work to make that life a reality. 

So, don't be afraid of change, embrace it for all you know, it will be the last man standing when all is said and done. 

I remain your pal, Ron